My Crayola Crayon is Granite Gray. And I like to color biiiiiiiig gray areas with it!

There was a moment in my recent memory that really hurt my feelings. I was in a group setting where I, with a bunch of other students, was learning the meaning of integrity. We did a couple of exercises: if you agreed with a statement, you go to this corner of the room; if you disagreed with the statement, you go to that corner of the room. Oh, and let me not forget--if you STRONGLY agreed or if you STRONGLY disagreed, you also go to this or that corner of the room. (By the way, this room only had four corners... in case you were wondering ;) )

Some statements: "If you are driving your car in a school zone when there are no children present, it is okay to go over the 25 mph speed limit." "If your college is offering a $300 discount to a study abroad trip for current students only, and you just graduated two months ago, it is okay to take it."

After we all nomadically moved to different corners of the room in agreements and disagreements to these statements, we had a debrief. Here's the part that hurt my feelings:

The proctor asked, "So after this exercise, do you feel that there is a gray area in integrity?"

And I rose my hand and said, "Yes, a huge one."

As usual. Naively expressing my opinion without a care for what the consequences would be. Even if it meant that everyone in that room was judging me.

And here is what she replied: "Oh really, a huge one?"

And I said, "Yeah, I do not think everything in this world is black and white. For example, pretend that I'm a student who is going to study abroad in order to teach English to underprivileged kids. Not only that, I obviously have a deep financial situation that necessitates aid. Does that mean that I shouldn't take advantage of the $300 discount, simply because I graduated two months ago?"

The proctor simply replied, "But you already graduated."

The room was pin-drop silent and I felt my thoughts scrambling out loud like a twister, about to plague the room, without even being spoken out loud. I was so hurt that someone could imply that I do not have integrity. That I would dishonestly take advantage of a $300 discount.

I tried again.

"But I am different from a student who, say perhaps, is studying abroad recreationally and going to a country just for the sake of it and just to be a tourist in a foreign nation. In fact, I am doing good by teaching underprivileged kids how to speak English."

She was cold this time.

"You already graduated."

I felt like I was personally attacked. There is no justice. Why would I exploit someone else of a discount? Are we not all worthy of that discount? Oh wait, we are only worthy if we are currently students--not graduated students, but currently students. So, that means, even though in real life we are all able to receive the discount, the simple fact that there is an expiration date on it disqualifies us.

I felt dishonest.

I am not a dishonest person.

That moment urged me to really seek out the gray areas that I battle with constantly. In my every day life, I encounter so many gray areas. So do you. Gray areas come in so many different forms, in so many different ways, directions, shapes, what have you. I mean--the fact that the room had sections of "STRONG" disagreements/"STRONG" agreements implied that there are varying shades of the "gray area."

But before I move on, I want to state: be wary of the day that you see this world in simply black and white. This will be the end of your sanity and the end of your justice.

Why? Because the gray crayon is in your hand. You decide how much of a gray area there is, whether there is one at all, and if there is--then how big or how small it should be.

When we think of gray areas, this is what we do with them to make ourselves feel better:

1. We qualify them.


2. We justify them.


3. We embellish them.

But my concern is not that we have the wrong gray areas. Or that we are shading them in too big. Or too small. My concern is twofold: (1) that we have become so caught up with how big or small the gray area is that we can occupy entire conversations talking about how the gray area should be smaller or should be bigger; and (2) we actually accept the gray areas by doing the above mentioned things, and therefore have a total disregard to the fact that these gray areas can, at times, be potentially dangerous (especially when matters of morality are considered.)

So, aside from all of this, then, I would like to propose a completely new spin on gray areas: The next time you try to think about Robin Hood and whether it is wrong to steal from the rich to give to the poor, whether it is wrong to steal in general, and whether blah blah blah blah blah.. I would like you to ask yourself:

WHICH of these gray areas really matters? Some situations are life or death, some aren't.

But think of this: I have a friend who works at Taco Bell. And she has the ability to give me a discount on my food, since I am an acquaintence of hers and she would not mind punching in a few buttons for me. Am I doing the wrong thing by taking the discount--even considering the fact that this discount is not available to everyone else? That my friend is not friends with everyone else? Is it unfair that I am taking advantage of this discount when others do not even have it available to them? How unfair, right?!

Ah-hah! So...brings me back to the question...won't you pleeeeeeeeeeease let me use the $300 discount to study abroad? Por favor?!