Universally Speaking

I have this theory. This theory is that the universe requires of certain masses to be at certain locations at certain times. For example, the universe requires death in order to bring life. Or one flower to bloom in order for a bee to pollinate. Or perhaps one person to miss the train on a day that a train wreck occurs. Right place, right time. And this was one of those moments.

I could sing of your love forever...Lord. I could sing of your love,  f o r e v e r. . .

Even though I heard these words a week ago, it took a while for my inspiration to truly seep in and marinate my heart. I heard these words on a sunny Sunday morning around 10 30 am, with a live band in front of me and a makeshift choir behind me. I was in the center of a mass, but since that usually connotates Catholicism, I would like to clarify and state that I was in the center of a Presbyterian church gathering on a sunny Sunday morning just seven days ago. What I learned then, I will always remember.

The pastor told a story. It was about a lesson he learned from a faucet, termites, and ants. He noticed one day, while about to fall asleep, that the faucet was leaking. Tap, tap, tap the water went...each night.. He noticed it, but chose to ignore it. After a few months, he noticed his water bill spiked a bit. Some other time afterwards, he was cooking in the kitchen when he leaned against a wall and it cracked. He didn't want to do anything about it. A few weeks later, he noticed termites crawling up and down, eating away his walls and creating a giant hole. ..And lastly, ants were starting to creep around his house.

He decided to go to the hardware store to buy a new knob for the faucet, which took him only an hour to repair. He bought drywall and wood to reconstruct the part of the wall, taking him only one day's worth of work for the entire wall that the termites ate. And he bought ant repellent for the ants, which took a few minutes, tracking them all back to the single Queen ant who produced them all (by the way, fun fact: for each human, there are one million ants on earth).

What was the lesson, he asked? After all of the damage that accumulated over time, he realized he could have had short, quick, simple solutions and would have saved a lot of money, time, and gross-ness. Why is it so hard to simply hold ourselves accountable? Why don't we clean up our crumbs? ..I was at the right place at the right time when I heard the pastor tell this story because it inspired me to vacuum at 11 o clock at night today after I dropped crumbs of graham crackers all over the sofa.

Next. It was Saturday night--the night before I was making fantasy plans in my head about going to church one day. I told my roommate to come if she wanted, that I was going to go to church on Sunday. Somehow I started explaining the three Abrahamic faiths to her--Christianity, Judaism, and Islam--and what they all share in common. About how Abraham's story is universally accepted--God gave him and Sarah the ability to bear children at old age. God tested him. God and Abraham-a story surpassing the confines of scrolls.

Little did I realize that I was yet again at the right place at the right time. The pastor talked about Abraham the very next morning at church. Hello, the universe called. It was asking you to be at the right place at the right time. Thank you, good bye. ?!?!

Okay, now this one tops them all.  It was as if the whispers of all the energies in my head somehow sprinkled dust into the mind of the pastor. When he said, "..and sometimes, God speaks to you. In different ways. Sometimes he speaks to you through a dream, sometimes through other people, or sometimes just by chance." That was really, really spooky. I can't believe it. This whole time I was thinking about how the universe finds a way to put you at the right place and right time (Oprah had said it this way before) and yet, the very theory that I thought I had minted, was ejecting out of the mouth of this pastor.

It was the perfect Sunday for me to go to church.

My Crayola Crayon is Granite Gray. And I like to color biiiiiiiig gray areas with it!

There was a moment in my recent memory that really hurt my feelings. I was in a group setting where I, with a bunch of other students, was learning the meaning of integrity. We did a couple of exercises: if you agreed with a statement, you go to this corner of the room; if you disagreed with the statement, you go to that corner of the room. Oh, and let me not forget--if you STRONGLY agreed or if you STRONGLY disagreed, you also go to this or that corner of the room. (By the way, this room only had four corners... in case you were wondering ;) )

Some statements: "If you are driving your car in a school zone when there are no children present, it is okay to go over the 25 mph speed limit." "If your college is offering a $300 discount to a study abroad trip for current students only, and you just graduated two months ago, it is okay to take it."

After we all nomadically moved to different corners of the room in agreements and disagreements to these statements, we had a debrief. Here's the part that hurt my feelings:

The proctor asked, "So after this exercise, do you feel that there is a gray area in integrity?"

And I rose my hand and said, "Yes, a huge one."

As usual. Naively expressing my opinion without a care for what the consequences would be. Even if it meant that everyone in that room was judging me.

And here is what she replied: "Oh really, a huge one?"

And I said, "Yeah, I do not think everything in this world is black and white. For example, pretend that I'm a student who is going to study abroad in order to teach English to underprivileged kids. Not only that, I obviously have a deep financial situation that necessitates aid. Does that mean that I shouldn't take advantage of the $300 discount, simply because I graduated two months ago?"

The proctor simply replied, "But you already graduated."

The room was pin-drop silent and I felt my thoughts scrambling out loud like a twister, about to plague the room, without even being spoken out loud. I was so hurt that someone could imply that I do not have integrity. That I would dishonestly take advantage of a $300 discount.

I tried again.

"But I am different from a student who, say perhaps, is studying abroad recreationally and going to a country just for the sake of it and just to be a tourist in a foreign nation. In fact, I am doing good by teaching underprivileged kids how to speak English."

She was cold this time.

"You already graduated."

I felt like I was personally attacked. There is no justice. Why would I exploit someone else of a discount? Are we not all worthy of that discount? Oh wait, we are only worthy if we are currently students--not graduated students, but currently students. So, that means, even though in real life we are all able to receive the discount, the simple fact that there is an expiration date on it disqualifies us.

I felt dishonest.

I am not a dishonest person.

That moment urged me to really seek out the gray areas that I battle with constantly. In my every day life, I encounter so many gray areas. So do you. Gray areas come in so many different forms, in so many different ways, directions, shapes, what have you. I mean--the fact that the room had sections of "STRONG" disagreements/"STRONG" agreements implied that there are varying shades of the "gray area."

But before I move on, I want to state: be wary of the day that you see this world in simply black and white. This will be the end of your sanity and the end of your justice.

Why? Because the gray crayon is in your hand. You decide how much of a gray area there is, whether there is one at all, and if there is--then how big or how small it should be.

When we think of gray areas, this is what we do with them to make ourselves feel better:

1. We qualify them.


2. We justify them.


3. We embellish them.

But my concern is not that we have the wrong gray areas. Or that we are shading them in too big. Or too small. My concern is twofold: (1) that we have become so caught up with how big or small the gray area is that we can occupy entire conversations talking about how the gray area should be smaller or should be bigger; and (2) we actually accept the gray areas by doing the above mentioned things, and therefore have a total disregard to the fact that these gray areas can, at times, be potentially dangerous (especially when matters of morality are considered.)

So, aside from all of this, then, I would like to propose a completely new spin on gray areas: The next time you try to think about Robin Hood and whether it is wrong to steal from the rich to give to the poor, whether it is wrong to steal in general, and whether blah blah blah blah blah.. I would like you to ask yourself:

WHICH of these gray areas really matters? Some situations are life or death, some aren't.

But think of this: I have a friend who works at Taco Bell. And she has the ability to give me a discount on my food, since I am an acquaintence of hers and she would not mind punching in a few buttons for me. Am I doing the wrong thing by taking the discount--even considering the fact that this discount is not available to everyone else? That my friend is not friends with everyone else? Is it unfair that I am taking advantage of this discount when others do not even have it available to them? How unfair, right?!

Ah-hah! So...brings me back to the question...won't you pleeeeeeeeeeease let me use the $300 discount to study abroad? Por favor?!

Food Diaries Day 1

Today I ate again, for no reason. This time it was animal fries at In N Out and I couldnt get myself to understand why I spent $3.50 on fried potatoes that I dont even normally like eating in the first place. I was already full having eaten a Crunchy Shrimp Roll at a sushi restaurant and then half of a huge French banana and nutella Crepe at a little crepe restaurant. I had no emotional motive to eat, either. I felt even guiltier because this morning I ate a glazed doughnut and two mini cupcakes with soy milk for breakfast since I was in a hurry. What should I do about this? It was either I stay hungry for 4 hours, or I eat a glazed doughnut (for free, and out of convenience).

On a lighter note, I went to Hollywood and Highland today. It was the second time I went there. Oh, the experiences. Its always such a drama going down to those parts of LA. All the men are animated when they walk past you. Or beg money from you. Or shower you with unnecessary attention--CREEPY attention. At least you get a feel for reality. LA is reality, who needs MTV?

Can someone invent sleep replacement pills already? Feels like I have too much to fit into one day and I am losing sleep over it. Too many classes, social problems, activities, requirements, and emotional stabilities to fit into one person. Why can't we all just keep to our own little spaces and not have to venture into the world, trying to impress each other with our "self expressing" clothes, our thin "magazine" bodies. I just want to be in my air conditioned cubicle with a comforter over me and be able to read a textbook, take a test after a good night's sleep, and some warm green tea. Dont you? What a nice fuzzy thought.

My friend said that random people approach us because they do not perceive our vibes of discriminating status. Thats a good thing, but it works against us.